Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Cold thoughts on Frozen

There is a lot of excitement about the Disney movie Frozen. I must say that when I saw the previews and saw that adorable little snowman, I was quite excited to see it myself. We rented it and watched it and all I can say is that I was extremely disappointed. There was not one part of the movie that I liked. Sure the 5 seconds of the snowman were cute, but that was about it.
From beginning to end, the whole movie was about magic and sorcery.
I'm not sure how that makes this movie so irresistibly good. By Christian standards, I'm not sure how any Christian would want to see it a second time let alone over and over and also have "Frozen" parties, which I've seen all over Pinterest and various blogs. I just cannot see how people don't see that everything about this movie has evil undertones.
My son saw it once with my husband and I and I'm afraid he's seen it several times at a friend's house. For awhile there, my husband would tell me that he heard Pumpkin singing a song from the movie and I'd just cringe. In his little mind, he just thought it was all fun and games, but little does he know that the movie is a stepping stone to all kinds of evil, nasty things.
Okay, okay, I hear you all out there yelling at your screen going, how is it a stepping stone to evil, nasty things? Isn't that a little harsh for a cute kids movie?
Well, first of all, the Bible tells us to abstain from the appearance of evil and is pretty clear about steering clear of magic and sorcery. Yes, the movie may seem like a cute kids movie and our kids may not even know what all the magic really means. Some parents are even good about telling their kids that it is just make believe, but where do we draw the line? Where is the line between make believe and evil?
Let me leave you with one question.
Can evil be disguised as a cute, harmless little movie?
"Abstain from all appearance of evil."
1 Thessalonians 5:22 (KJV)
"Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."
 Galatians 5:19-21 ESV

“A man or a woman who is a medium or a necromancer shall surely be put to death. They shall be stoned with stones; their blood shall be upon them.”
Leviticus 20:27 ESV

Thursday, June 26, 2014

A journey's end

If you've been around this blog for a while you may remember that we became licensed foster parents a little over a year ago. We also had two adorable little girls come to live with us a little over a year ago. A year ago in May we were so excited to start this journey and see where it would lead us. I never dreamt this is where we'd be today.
Let me start out by saying that the foster care system is far more of a mess than I ever realized. I have learned that lesson time and time again in the past year. For one, there is barely any sense of organization or plan. Also, and this may not be true of every case, but in ours it seems that there are not any legal grounds for these girls to have been taken away. Now in the past 2 months they were supposed to go home 2 different times and one person who had limited involvement in the case kept them from being able to go home.
The more and more my husband and I have talked about our situation, we have decided that 1)foster care is not for us and 2) in this particular case we wouldn't feel right adopting, even if the girls came up for adoption.
As for number 1, foster care is not for us in the way that, we aren't the type of people that deal well with being told what to do. Most of the regulations and such that you have to follow to be in compliance for your license are not that big of a deal, but it is still a pain in our side. We also are the type of people that like to be able and pick up and go at a moments notice if we so choose. We have also gotten fed up with all the last minute notice of what is going on with the girls and having to literally be a "pain in the butt" to find anything out in a timely manner from the workers.
Now for number 2, we may or may not have all the facts, but from what we do know we doubt the reasons the girls were taken away in the first place and therefore would always have that in the back of our mind if we were to adopt. If I'm going to adopt, I want to know that the children were taken away for good reason or else were given up freely for adoption.
So all of that to say that we are closing our license. At this time my desire to adopt is not strong, I feel that God has led us down this road to show us a little what it is like to raise a child who is not biologically ours. We aren't sure if adoption is for us or not at this point. I also had come to the decision not more than 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant, that I needed to be happy with my ONE child. God has blessed us with a happy, healthy, smart little boy and in December it hit me that there are all kinds of people out there just wishing they had just that and all I could do was wish for more. I believe that started me on the road to not being fully committed to adoption (not right now anyway). Then a couple of weeks later I found out I was pregnant...CRAZY!
So, since we do not feel led to adopt at this time, we see no reason to continue on in our foster care journey. Especially since we don't agree with the way the foster care system works and operates anyway. If we ever feel led to adopt again, I believe we will find another avenue.
There is a need for foster parents, but if you are feeling led to get involved with foster care, I highly recommend you talk to someone who has been there and done that before you jump in. We were required to take special foster parenting classes in order to get our license and they by no means painted a rosy picture of foster care, but they also did not tell us how corrupt the system was. I was completely unprepared for that. (Again, this may be more for our local system than overall, but in the case we've been involved in the only word that comes to mind is corrupt!)

So all this to say that we have come to the end of a journey and right now we are just a little family of 3, anxiously awaiting our journey down the road of being a family of four!

Friday, May 16, 2014

Getting back on track

Earlier this year my life changed forever. My Mom told me she was sick, she thought it was cancer, but had not had it checked out yet. Then a little over 2 months ago, she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and it had already spread throughout her body. For 7 1/2 weeks she fought the fight, but her body couldn't take it any more and she has now passed on to a better place.
During this time we had 2 foster daughters who we thought were going to go home. They didn't go home the first time, they didn't go home the second time and now we are currently waiting for the third try to come around. 
I'm also pregnant, a wife and a mother to an energetic 4 year old.
Life has been crazy!
I used to have everything under control. I knew when all appointments were and when we need to have things done by. My paperwork was caught up and things were in order.
I've never really known the meaning of just surviving, but these past few months feel like I've only just been surviving. So it is time to start trying to get back on track. I need to get my paperwork caught back up to THIS month. I need to get back into my weekly cleaning routine. I need to get back into cooking good home cooked meals. I think your getting the picture here.
Surviving, is not a good place to be. I'm still on the fringes of it and it sucks, but in life we all go through times where its necessary to simply get through and do only the things that need to be done to get through. If you are in a time like this or are just coming out of one, let me encourage you to get back on track. I feel seriously overwhelmed trying to do so, but I can see with every small step I take to getting back on track that I feel better, feel somewhat normal again. 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

And the whirlwind continues...

Well, I wish I could say that life has settled down. God has other plans. We buried my Mom a week ago yesterday. The girls are back again. They were supposed to go home two different times in the past month, but now will be in foster care for another month.
If I said I had it all under control and had it all together, I'd be a complete liar.
I'm pregnant, so I don't know if that making me more likely to just want to have a "normal" life again or what. I'm ready to be done with foster care and I don't feel like God is calling us to adoption right now like I felt a year ago.
My life will never be "normal" again without my Mom and we will be having a baby which will make life different also. Either way, I'm ready to not have to live by regulations of foster care, to welcome are baby into this world and work through the motions of not having my Mom there to meet her grandson.
 In foster care, you really live under the systems thumb so to speak.
First of all you, live under their time schedule. You are told that the kids will be picked up at such a time and then inevitably they are not picked up until an hour or two later because they have trouble with drivers.
You also have to live with all their silly little regulations. Not that their big changes to life, but locking up your medicines and having to dig out the key and unlock the container every time you need medicine isn't fun. We can't have a trampoline for our son because their prohibited by the foster care system. Do you know how annoying the outlet safety things are?! I didn't until I had to have one in every. single. outlet. We can't burn our wood burning stove in the winter because it could burn the foster children. We can't discipline in any way we see fit. At the end of the day, you just have to ask if it is all worth it. Trust me these girls are sweet and two of the greatest little girls I've known, but the system is jacking around with their situation and no one has any concern for what is best for THEM. That is the most annoying thing to me about the system. Everyone involved should have one concern and that is what is best for the children and what is the quickest way to get them in a stable environment. (In this case it would be letting them go home.) 

Friday, April 11, 2014

When the whirlwind of life keeps on....

Lately, life has been a whirlwind!
The week before Christmas we found out I was pregnant again!! What a rush of emotions...excitement, worry, joy, apprehension, and everything in between.
I am now almost 21 weeks along with a little boy! (big brother is SOO excited, as are mommy and daddy ;) !!)
Then about a month and a half ago my mom told us she was seriously sick, at the time we didn't know exactly what was going on. A couple weeks later we finally got a diagnosis, stage 4 breast cancer. It's spread throughout her body and is very aggressive. Ever since life has been a day to day roller coaster of emotional stress.
Also about 3 weeks ago I talked to the girls worker and she said that their court hearing is the middle of April and things are looking good for them to go home. They go for a visit on Monday and we are supposed to send all their things with them. If things go as planned they won't be back.
Everyone asks me how I feel about the girls going home. Honestly that is a very tough question to answer. I don't feel like they will be going into the best environment, but they are still their parents' children and as long as the parents are doing what they need to do, they need to go home. Like the worker said, if they can't move ahead with termination since we are basically at a year into this; they need to do something and the parents are doing well enough that the right thing is for them to go home. I also feel like with everything with my mom that God is just kind of letting me know it's time for them to be with their family and it's time for me to have more time to care for mine.
I'm once again at a point in my life where God is simply the only One that gets me through the days. I wake up and take every day one day at a time. He's the only One that knows what is to come and He is still in control even though I'm physically exhausted from all the emotional stress and day to day worry and concern for my mom and the unknown for these two little girls. 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

MIA and Seeking Wisdom

I have been gone for FAR too long!
Blogger was having some issues for awhile that made posting a little tricky and we had holidays, some major changes with the girls and some personal things going on. So the end of December and beginning of January have been a crazy roller coaster and now that we are already halfway through January, I sit here and wonder how on earth it is possible.
Foster care has taught me that you never know what will come next. We went from things looking terrible about 2 months ago, to the parents doing really well (by what I was told by the workers), back to them doing pretty terrible again. Visits have been shortened again and some strict tasks have been placed on them, so we'll see what the next few months will bring.
Of course Christmas and the New Year came and went with a flash.
We also got some news during that time that I hope I can share with you soon. This news has added some more things onto our schedule in the past several weeks.
So I think things are starting to settle back into a routine again.
I'm sure God knows I'm needing a routine back! haha!
I ran across this verse the other day while reading my Bible and it just struck me in a new way, I hope you can reap some benefits from it also.
"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding-indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."
Proverbs 2:1-5
I've read that verse many times before, but as I read it this time, it hit me that I need to be searching and striving for wisdom with the same vigor as I would search for silver. And the way I take this verse, God is saying that if we seek it we will find it and will have a greater understanding of God!
Let me tell you I NEED that everyday!!

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Twists and turns

I would have to say that for the first time since we have been foster parents to two little girls I am truly ready to let them go. Sometimes, I feel as if that's selfish of me to say. It sounds as if I don't want to deal with them anymore (and trust me there are days I feel that way), but overall I want them to be able to go home. To be with THEIR mother. To have THEIR family.
I'm not always sure that those are the best "qualified" people to care for them, but I can assure you that the best place for a child is with their God-given family if in any way possible.
These girls have lived a life of limbo for almost 8 months now. Just think of how much of their lives that is (one is 4 and one is 1). That's a BIG chunk of their lives!!
Leading up to one court date, I couldn't imagine them letting them go back home. I honestly probably would have thought the judge was psycho had they let the girls go home, I thought they should be with us forever. Then leading up to another court date, I was getting tired and frustrated and had just gone through a second miscarriage. I honestly felt like I shouldn't have to take care of them anymore and was ready for the judge to say they were going home. That did not happen. Since then there have been times that I did not want them to go home EVER. I wanted to selfishly say that it would be better for them to stay with us and never go back to their family.
The beginning of December was quite a time for me. I was unbelievably emotional and had several up and down kind of days. Finally I realized that I think God is trying to teach me that these girls would be best off with THEIR family. If in anyway possible they NEED to be with their family. Also, I think God was trying to teach me that I have a sweet, smart, healthy little boy of my own and even if he is the only little one I ever get to truly call MINE, I should be happy. God entrusted that little boy to me and my husband and we can be overjoyed that he is ours.
So the girls have a court date coming up again. I have my doubts that they'll get to go home, but I really hope they can. From what I hear the parents are doing very well and I for the first time in this whole thing, the other day I saw the mom again and I saw her as a true MOM. Not some power-tripped lady that wanted to get back at the foster mom for taking her kids (not that I had anything to do with her kids getting taken away, but I felt like she felt I did.) Just as a regular human being, who just wants to see her kids.
I think God wants me to see that even if she isn't mother of the year award material, she might just still be deserving of having her kids back.
And that is just what the kids need.